glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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