im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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