This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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