Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
