if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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