life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
