mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
