Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
