She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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