he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
