Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
