he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
