I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
