I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
