so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
