News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
