you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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