I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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