I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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