Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
