I CAN MOONWALK!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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