should my penis look like a turkey
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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