Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
