for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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