I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
