Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
don't judge my taste in strippers
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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