You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
