So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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