k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
