I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
