I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
