The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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