I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
