The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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