So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
