just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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