he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
