He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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