Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
