I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My ATM looks so different sober.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
