my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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