It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
