the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
