he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
