My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
