you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
