he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
