oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
