I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
