ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
