I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sarcasm needs its own font
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
