We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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