Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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