Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
