My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
